You didn’t do enough. You didn’t exercise today. You didn’t get to that project on your list. You are not good enough. Sure, maybe I got the dishes done, but I didn’t get the laundry done. Maybe I was consistent for several days in putting aside time to spend with God in His Word, but my prayer time was more sporadic. I might have chosen healthy eating patterns, but I didn’t exercise. Nothing is ever good enough, and it’s all a reflection of the failure that I am as a wife, as a mom, as a person.
I can’t. I can’t get it all done. I’m not capable. I’m not good enough.
These kinds of thoughts have plagued me for months, maybe years, rising up in great spurts and then retreating into the confines of my mind for a time. I didn’t even need to compare myself to others (although I still do!); my comparison of myself to myself found me lacking enough.
And what has been missing from all of those moments? God’s view of who I am.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
Late in bed one evening, it hit me like a slap across the face. How many times have I read that? Heard songs about it sung? Listened to someone preach on it? And yet I came face to face with the full weight of the truth.
I am not condemned.
The only One allowed to judge and condemn my sin chooses not to because I have been redeemed. How much more so am I not condemned for the tiny non-sinful details that I pull up in my mind over and over again? This means I am not judged by my task list or the checkmarks of completed items.
This in no way detracts from my very real responsibilities of personal discipline, keeping my home, checking my heart attitude, etc. It does not entitle me to laziness nor free me from viewing my sinfulness in light of God’s holiness and dealing with it accordingly.
God has called me to a life that pleases Him. In the daily moments of parenting, showing love to my spouse, reaching out to a lady from church, stopping to pray for victory over a struggle instead of lashing out, investing in a Bible study—those moments complete the overarching need for me to glorify God with my life.
I cannot be perfect. There will always be something I didn’t get done. But I can push to be holy.