The fear of being unseen. It ranks probably higher than any other fear I have. Higher than my fears of mice and driving over bridges. It’s a fear of my soul.
Being unseen is like walking by a stranger in the grocery store. They look at you, but they don’t see you. They may say hello or smile at you as they pass, but they don’t know you. They’re not going to stop you and ask you why you’re acting differently today and what’s wrong.
Being unseen is the fear that my pain doesn’t matter because others do not have time to hear it. It is the fear that I won’t have enough energy to be able to reach out and tell someone else that I can’t function or that I’m about to have a panic attack or that I slept so poorly that my body is shaking inside from the overstimulation of everyone talking at once or the lights being too bright. It is the fear that I am not worth a text response back, or the fear that my many attempts to re-establish a relationship are being ignored. It is the overwhelming fear that I am simply not worth enough for others to actually want to know me deeper. It’s why I hate all things shallow in friendships, conversations, and gatherings.
Jesus sees. Jesus knows.
Not just as an acquaintance, but as my Creator. The quiet, long pain of my heart that doesn’t get shared publicly—He sees that. When I go about my life and have normal interactions and laugh at funny things and make meals for my family and go to church and text a friend, all while carrying a grief in the back of my mind that never goes away—He sees that.
Jesus gave the Spirit, the Comforter, to be with all Christians so that when we don’t even know how to talk with God in prayer, the Spirit is there to speak for us (Rom. 8:26-27). The epitome of being seen is that we are already known to One without even needing to tell Him who we are or what we’re facing. He sees my every moment of pain because He gave those moments purpose (Romans 5:3-5).
And when I feel unseen, I can lean toward a Savior who hung on a cross while the Father turned His face away. He died unseen so that I could be seen by Him forever and ever.